My Search for Satisfaction

You know this feeling when you are sitting in a group and someone says something significant and you chose that exact moment to get lost in reverie? By the time you are back to the World the information is dated and the moment has passed. But the lingering feeling that you have missed something does not. 

I feel this way all the time. It's like as if everyone has struck a deal with their conscience to forget its duty for a while, so that they can push, claw and do whatever else it takes to clear their way to the top. If that is indeed the top (The Ladder of Mediocrity tells you more). I forgot to do it, and now it is too late. No one listens to me now, let alone my conscience. 

The human trait of perennial dissatisfaction has been termed as one of the major differences between us and other species in this world, and has also been attributed as the reason for mankind's progress today. This dissatisfaction has also manifested itself in the Attitude towards others. Acquiescence and compromise are the new words for backwardness. It's the New Age Theory-of-Relativity. Why bother with the universal definition of good when being better than bad is enough? But the single thought that my dull brain is unable to wrap around itself is: everyone is ok with it. There is smugness, superciliousness and maybe even a hint of resignation, but no one is asking why. Everyone is only talking about the what. 

To be honest, I was one among the madly rushing horde till recently. When it hit me that the Ladder everyone is scrambling to climb is actually an Illusion, I lost all interest. Phat. Just like that. Because I knew that this was not going to give me Satisfaction. But then, is there anything else on offer?

I don't have an answer to this question. I have just started the search, and I don't expect it to end well. But I cannot be without trying. If there is one emotion that I do not want to have in my life, it is Regret. 

Till we meet again. 

The Reflection

She stared at the warped reflection of herself, incredulous. She had heard so much about it all her corporate life, but had believed in the triumph of human spirit to belie its existence. After all, there are exceptions to every rule. Why cannot she be one? 

Meera, Vice President, Global marketing sat at her expansive and elegantly furnished cabin and stared at the Glass Ceiling. After 25 years of climbing the corporate ladder, she had more than enough to show for it. She had joined Mercury Candies & Confectionary as a marketing trainee exactly 25 years ago. At that time it was the largest seller of candies, ranging from chewies to condensed milk. It was also a male bastion, with the only female employees being four secretaries and the cleaning staff. Mercury hired her because they were looking for “fresh” ideas that would help rekindle the interest in the candies segment, which was rapidly losing market share to imported brands like Nestle and Cadbury’s. Mercury was a completely Indian brand, a product of the soil, so to speak. She had graduated with honours from the top management institute of the country and was hungry to prove herself. 

The next 25 years was not extraordinary, by any corporate employee’s estimation. The marketing campaign that she had conceptualized resulted in a market share increase of 5% in the candies segment, which is no mean achievement in this highly fragmented category. She also spearheaded the launch of two new product categories in an already crowded market, spurring another market share increase, not to mention the incremental sale from being the first in the category. Along the way, she married her classmate from college and was blessed with two children – Rhea 19, and Nishant, 15. 

It was true, the numbers spoke for themselves. But apparently that was not enough. She was lucky to have a good boss, a man who believed in her capability and gave her the freedom to follow her beliefs. Not one to let an opportunity go by, she made full use of the freedom and recorded the most rapid promotion in the company ever since its inception. Now her boss was retired and she was reporting to the Chairman, a jovial 75 year old who founded the company. 

He had met her 2 days ago. To tell her that in his cheerful inimitable style that there was just no more promotion they could give her! “You have been such an asset to us dear. Many of our key successes over the past 2 decades are credited to you. Normally, the next step for a VP is to make them a member of the board. But we do not have any women on the board, neither do we intend to. Company policy, you know? We will be very happy for you to continue as VP, of course and I am ready to give you a 40% bonus in salary in the coming year.”

She had listened in stoic silence, punctured by nods at the appropriate moments. She had smiled at the Chairman, saying that his offer was very generous and that she would think about it and get back in a week’s time. 

She closed her eyes and thought of the years gone by. The travel, the staying away from the kids, phone calls across continents. Late nights powered by the light of the laptop. The familiar ping and vibration of her Blackberry, which she always kept under her pillow. Missed fancy dress competitions, exam revisions and horse riding classes. Her kids had been wonderful. And her husband of course. She could not have made it without them. Every time she faced opposition to her ideas, or another block in her promotion her family stood by her and egged her on, confident that she will always come out a winner. 

Rhea will be completing college in a few months. She was planning to apply to engineering courses in the US. In 3 months, her daughter will leave for a foreign land and she will see even less of her. They were very close and the relationship they shared was very dear to her. Did she regret all the moments she had missed in her kids’ childhood? Sure she did. But her job was a part of her identity, it defined one aspect of her, like being a mother defined another aspect. All these identities came together to create Meera, the woman. 

There may be limitations in people’s minds, but there was no limit to her will and determination. No Glass Ceiling was going to stop her from being who she was. She fingered the document in front of her. It was the Rules & Regulations of the running of the company. A friend at Legal had obliged her with it. In the document was a clause that enabled any employee who had served for more than 10 years in the company to petition for a change in any of the clauses. Including the one about not having any women on the board. This route would be a one-way street though. If she filed a petition and lost she will have to exit the company. Staying on will be awkward. 

When had any of her choices been easy? Over the years she had learnt to follow her heart. Her heart never lied to her. 

She pulled out the copy of the petition letter and started filling it.

The Good Book

I recently got gifted an Amazon Kindle Fire HD. Needless to say I was thrilled to bits. The Kindle Fire was exactly what I wanted - a one stop shop to access and to read all books. I love reading, and over the years I have had a tendency to read multiple books at a time.

This presented a unique problem when I started working. Whenever I would travel on work I found that not only could I not take all the books I was reading along with me (as this would mean that the size of my suitcase will almost double), I could only carry one book, and that too the one which would fit into my laptop bag. Not for me was the bulky backpack! I carried a sleek laptop bag in orange with brown borders. While this ensured I was up to my teeth in "style" quotient, I was nowhere near there in the "ample reading material for the travel" quotient. If I felt like reading that business book on the flight when all I had carried along was the fiction book, well, too bad.

So you see, the Amazon Kindle Fire is Perfect for me. Absolutely Perfect. It is sleek and light. I can carry in it hundreds of books at a time, if I want. When I close a book after I am done reading for the day it automatically bookmarks the page so that the next time I open it, the book opens in the same page. I can also copy extracts of the book and make notes while reading. Yesterday while reading my first ebook in it I realised that I can also highlight words from the text and consult the dictionary. And all this is just the tip of a super long list of features that it claims to sport. What a beautiful gadget!

Just as swiftly as I reveled in the advantages of the Kindle, I realised what I would now be missing, possibly forever: the weight of the tome in my hand, the crackle of the page when I turned it, the feel of the paper under my hands - slightly coarse but abundantly promising of the fascinating journey it was to take me through the course of the book. More than anything else, I would miss the intoxicating smell of paper whenever a new book was opened. I would inhale it deeply and the smell would stir in me restlessness, a longing to plunge into its depths right away and discover its secrets.

The Amazon Kindle Fire HD does not smell of anything, and it is extremely smooth to touch. It needs to be charged every now and then when the battery goes low, and sometimes when the ebook is loading it makes a faint whirring sound, like a fan.

The Good Book had character; it had a personality which was part of its charm. Goodbye for now. Till we meet again.

Why Bangalore needs buses

I must confess. As one of the car driving horde on Bangalore's narrow and overflowing roads, I detested all BMTC buses, red, green, orange.. colour no bar. One of these giants was enough to block the entire road it went on. Each bus on an average took 10 seconds to move after a signal turned green (if it was going straight) and atleast 15 seconds if it was taking a turn. This turn would also mean that the bus would have to go to the extreme left of the road in order to turn right and vice versa, thus ensuring that no vehicle (except maybe Quixotic motorists and the occasional gravity defying auto rickshaw) could move till this manouvre was completed. By which time the signal would be red again. Sigh.

It's been two days since all drivers, conductors and mechanics of BMTC called a strike on, interestingly, demand for differential pay. When I first read the news of the strike yesterday I was actually thrilled. I imagined empty roads and myself on them, zooming away in my little black Reva. Bah! Foolish me. What actually happened was exactly the opposite - with thousands of people not having public transport, taxis and autos were much in demand. Let's do a simple calcualtion. If 50 people travel in a bus on an average, and these same 50 people were to use private means of transport because of the strike, the ensuing *extra* space that these vehicles would occupy on the road would be almost double that of a BMTC bus. Multiply the number of people in a bus by atleast 2000 (the paper today states that BMTC operates almost 7000 buses daily) and you have a mind boggling increase in the number of smaller, but cumulatively larger space occupying vehicles on the road.

Sure, Bangalore has pathetic public transport on the road. The buses do not ply on all routes, so connectivity to all parts of the city do not exist. Most of the time the buses are not regular or on time, which makes it difficult to depend on for getting anywhere in time. The price is the only saving grace, because the comparable amount that one has to shell out for an auto or a taxi is atleast 2 times more than the bus fare for the same distance. But BMTC is a supposed star among all state owned bus transport companies. They are supposed to be making profits (anyone see their balance sheet?) and they have won many awards for innovative introductions and solutions for improving public transport, Volvo A/C buses on IT routes and denoting one day in the first week of the month as "BUS DAY", being examples. BMTC has also been increasing the number of buses on the road, claiming that by encouraging more people to use public transport they are reducing congestion on the roads. I was a non believer. Until now.

Bangalore needs it buses back.

PERFECTING PERFECTION

I have always been amazed by the perfection in nature – out of all the colours, shapes and sizes in the world, how did God pick just the right size and shape of the petals and the two colours that would all come together to create the perfect flower? Not to mention the leaves, the stem.. everything in nature is so perfect. Why are we not so perfect? Why do only we have deficiencies, or weaknesses, rather, that leave us a breath short of perfection?

While I have no scientific or any other type of proof for this, I would like to believe that every plant, stem, flower, flower petal or seed ever present in nature never wanted to be anything else. It was perfectly happy being where it was, how it was. If its petals were green and its stem red, so be it. It started as a sapling, grew to be a plant, spread its seeds and spawned more like its own. No fuss, no complaints and absolutely no refusal to be a part of nature’s total plan. It is this matter of fact attitude that is, sadly, lacking in a lot of us.

So what if we are 3 inches shorter than we are? So what if our hair is not as silky as Kareena Kapoor’s is in the ad? So what? What about the beautiful smile that we have, the friendly nature, the bright eyes? What about what we already have? I doubt most of us have spent any time thinking on that. We have, on the other hand, already spent, and are bound to spend countless hours on all our shortcomings. The point here is – we are ALREADY perfect. We just haven’t realised it yet!

Whatever we are, however we are, we are OK. It is not possible to perfect what is already perfect; and that is exactly what we are.

We are like that flower. We were born with all the colours that we have. If anyone has created the sense of inadequacy in ourselves, it is us. So if there is anyone who can remove it, it would just have to be us. So look at yourself in the mirror today, give yourself a big smile and a thumbs up.

You are PERFECT.

The Secret of Happiness

I've been mulling over the answer to this question for a while. We all want to be happy; who doesn't? But how do we get there? 

That's the question.

On the face of it there's nothing that some of us don't have. A loving, supportive family, comfortable and spacious homes, money for a decent life, good education, stable job.. But more often than not we're sad, tensed, angry, depressed. Anything BUT happy. Why? What is missing? 

The point remains that if I knew the answer to this question, I wouldn't be writing this post in the first place! Nevertheless, it's worth a shot.

There can be a lot of perspectives to this, so I'm going to express just one. In our quest to be responsible adults, we plan for a secure future. Hence the hefty property loan of 20 years - to buy that 3 BHK which will come up in 2014; the arranged marriage with a "good" boy or girl at the "right" age, "good" and "right" as defined by parents and society - to live happily with a companion in old age; the saving up by not going on holidays abroad - so that the VW Passat can sit in your garage in one year instead of never. And so on and so forth. 

Noble endeavours, all of them. We're like the hardworking chipmunk who always saved acorns for the winter ahead. While the grasshopper who just had fun in summer and didn't think beyond today starved in winter. But what about today? What about being happy in this moment? Right now? Isn't that important? 

I have an insight on what makes people happy. And it's no ground breaking or earth shattering funda. Far from it. I believe the deepest and most fulfilling happiness comes from the smallest of things. The unexpected hug from a cute kid. A gtalk buzz from an old friend. The smile from the commuter sitting opposite you in the bus. A word of appreciation on how good you're looking today from a colleague. A drop of rain to ease away the sweltering heat. A shared joke over chai break with friends. Hearing a long lost favourite song on radio while driving to work. How much time do we give in our day to allow for such experiences to reach us? How many times have we foregone happiness in the present for a future, uncertain happiness? There is nothing certain about the future. Nothing is certain, except the moment right now. If you're happy now, you will be happy in future. 

The ladder of mediocrity

Julie is a regular high energy, talkative 7 year old girl. She loves school (except for the strict teachers and the homework) and she has lots of friends. She loves swimming and playing with her golden haired labrador, Ceasar.

Julie and her parents stay with her grandparents for a month every summer. Julie loves these trips. Her grandparents have a sprawling two storeyed house in a quiet suburb of the city. It’s a refreshing change from the concrete jungle Julie lives in, and gives her and Ceasar lots of space to run around and play. 

One sunny Tuesday morning Julie is running around the garden shed at the back of the house when she spies a new object. A ladder.

She eyes it curiously. It wasn’t there the last time she was here. 

Then she brightens.

 Now she can climb the wall of the garden with the ladder and see the world from the top! Wow! What a wonderful idea! She gets really excited and tells Ceasar, “Look, Ceasar, a ladder!” Now we can climb the wall and be on the top of the world.” Ceasar woofs in return, wagging his tail in enthusiasm.

She runs towards it and looks at the highest rung, right on top. It seemed so far away yet beckoning, like a huge tub of strawberry ice cream, her all time favourite food. She grabs hold with one hand on either side and puts one leg on the lowest rung. The ladder shivers in her hand, in response to her weight. Julie hesitates. Maybe she shouldn’t be climbing the ladder without showing it to Mummy. Mummy had told her to be careful and to call her in case, she, Julie saw anything different or strange. 

The next second Julie shook off the doubt. It was just a ladder. Of course it was not a weird or a strange thing! And ladders are meant to be climbed, are they not? So that was precisely what Julie was going to do.

She puts her second leg on the lowest rung. The ladder shivers again but stays in its place. Julie grins. “Look Ceasar, I’m climbing the ladder!” Ceasar woofs again, wagging his tail vigourously. He seems excited too. 

Emboldened by her first step, Julie climbs two more. Now she is a good 3 feet from the ground. Suddenly she hears her name. 

“Julie! Where are you, child?” It was Grandma. “Where are you? It’s lunchtime! I’ve made your favourite pasta.”

“Grandma!” Julie calls in return from the ladder. “Come and see me! I’m going to the top of the world! Come and see!”

Soon Grandma comes in sight. She is startled to find Julie halfway up her old rickety ladder. “Julie! What are you doing? That’s an old ladder, child. It can break any moment. Please get down from there.”

“But Grandma,” Julie protests, “it’s been great so far! It hardly ever shook when I climbed it. And see how far I am from the ground! I’m even taller than you and Ceasar! Please, Grandma! There are only 4 steps to go. I will climb them quickly, sit on the top of the world for some time and come back, ok?”

“Julie,“ Grandma sighs in exasperation, “It’s dangerous because it’s an old ladder. And who ever gave you the idea that when you climb it you will reach the top of the world? The ladder against a wall which is taller than the ladder, look! When you climb the ladder you are going to reach the wall, that’s all. And the wall is really high. You will not be able to look beyond the wall, let alone the top of the world!”

As realization hits, Julie’s face falls. She sniffs as she gets down to the ground. “Oh, Grandma. I was so excited. Can I never reach the top of the world?”

Grandma smiles fondly at the little girl. “Of course you can, dear. It’s all in your mind. You can be at the top of the world right now if you wish! Ok? Come on now, it’s getting late for lunch.”

---

Remember your first job? Or your first day in a new job? The adrenaline, the excitement, the enthusiasm to get somewhere, do something? That is like Julie finding the ladder. 

Remember asking yourself if this is what you signed up for 3, 5, 7, 10 years into Corporate life? Climbing an old rickety ladder in search of an unknown nirvana? Being sold the concept by the big bosses - that climbing the ladder of mediocrity is the only way, because “what else is there to do, dude”? Fighting the daily petty squabbles of who-said-what-to-whom, who-wrote-what-mail, whose-boss-is-an-idiot, who-has-to-have-the-last-word? Realizing that the end of the ladder is just another wall, which apart from banging your head on, is not useful for anything else?

Corporate life is like school uniform. It levels the playing field so that the mediocre can function. Don’t climb the ladder of mediocrity. Create your own boundaries, your own limitations. Get to the top of your world. Not the top that some self confessed egomaniac defined to celebrate his smallness of mind. Go, get a Life.

Sheesh.